Here are some clues you may have some growing up to do in your relationship

Defensiveness “What do you mean I didn’t finish the laundry? You’re the one that always leave clothes in the washer until they stink.”

Needing to have the last word: Insert here the classic childhood example of Did-not/Did-too or Am-not/Are-too. Similar to its cousin

Trying to change your partner: “Why do you always bring the car home on empty? When are you going to learn?”

Constant criticism “You should have known better. How many times do I have to tell you how irritating that is? And while you’re at it, you handled that situation with the kids totally wrong

Avoiding responsibility “But you didn’t tell me you needed help!” “I just lost track of when the bills were due.”

As much as we may want to change these immature patterns, there may be another part of us that really doesn’t want to change 

All those energies that are directed to changing a partner, then the resulting frustration when a partner doesn’t change